Birth Bullies

I've been pondering this topic quite a bit lately, but today I read an article titled "What Not To Say To Someone Who Wants A Natural Birth" and it really made me realize "ok, this is actually an issue." So that brings me to the topic of today's blog post: Birth Bullies.

What is a birth Bully, you ask? I took the liberty of defining this one myself. A birth bully is a person, male or female, who belittles, makes fun of, or undermines a woman's decision to have the birth she chooses. Sound familiar? It might if you've ever been verbal about your birth plan as an expectant mother. As a 20 year old first time expectant mother who wants to have a natural, unmedicated birth, I have come into contact with many a birth bully. I remember the first one I came across didn't actually say anything. She laughed at me. That's right, LAUGHED! Right in my horrified face. It wasn't just a giggle either. It was a full on maniacal, evil villain,  spirit shattering cackle. She was genuinely amused by my hopeful spirit. I was dumbfounded. Especially since this particular bully had only given birth one time via c-section (no judgment for the record). I didn't even know how to respond. I sort of just stared at her incredulously, wondering what I had said that was so knee-slapping hilarious. 

Since then I've encountered plenty more birth bullies, so many that I've thickened my skin and find it easy to shrug off their rude comments and move on with my life. But that doesn't mean it doesn't tick me off when I hear those condescending words spoken to me or any other expecting mother. The thing is, just because a natural birth wasn't for you, doesn't mean you need to discourage another woman from having the birth she chooses. 

It seems like some people are under the impression that choosing a natural, unmedicated delivery means I have something to prove. Like I'm saying "look at how much better I am than everyone else because I gave birth without drugs." Honestly, I want to have a natural birth for me. I want to feel in control of my labor and delivery and the worst way to do that is lying on my back unable to feel anything below my waist. I want to have a natural birth to empower myself and to feel all that my body is capable of. Of course things don't always go as planned and I'm open to interventions if absolutely necessary but I will go into that delivery room with every intention of delivering naturally. 

So I guess what I'm saying is; to all you birth bullies who seek to shame women for the birth they choose,, I just have one question. Why do you care? Does it really bother you that much that someone is choosing a different birth than you? If so, figure out why. Because it just isn't your place to belittle a mother for the choice she makes. 

All birth is beautiful. Own it.

Be kind to yourselves, mamas.

I've recently been feeling very empathetic, much more than usual. Blame it on the hormones! It can be annoying when I feel tears coming on at the slightest provocation but at the same time I'm loving this new sense of love I have for others, especially women. 

I now fit into this category of "young moms" and I suddenly feel the heavy weight that comes with that title. The sense that I must always "explain" myself to my elders. To reassure them that I will "do something" with my life. That's not anyone's fault but my own. No one is making me feel the need to validate my actions but myself. But I must admit there's an unspoken societal pressure on young mothers to be great. I find myself hearing people tell me to "prove them wrong" and graduate from college, become a driven career woman. Let me reassure you in saying that if that's what I want, that's what I'll do. Nothing can stop me. But how do you know that's what I want? How do you know that's what any of us 20-something mamas want? It's a little presumptuous to assume every young mom had to give up her hopes and dreams. Is that true of some? Absolutely. That can be true of a mother at any age. Will I have the freedom that a 20 year old with zero commitments has? No. Will I get to party every weekend? Nope. Will I get to blow my money on shopping sprees just for me? Definitely not. Will I miss that stuff? Yes, especially the freedom. Am I upset about it? Not even a little. Because this is where I'm supposed to be right now. And I was never much of a partier anyway. 

I know there are people who look at me and other young moms and think "what a waste of youth." But that doesn't bother me a bit because I know that's their own insecurity shining through. And I know there are people who genuinely just want me to be able to enjoy my twenties without a little one to tie me down. To those people: thank you for your loving concern, but don't worry. Because I truly am so happy with where I am. 

This tangent has a point, I swear. It all comes back down to empathy. I feel so empathetic toward the young moms like me who have faced these judgements and have taken them harder than I have. I write this for you and every other mother out there who has been hard on herself for the mistakes she feels she's made and the things she did and didn't do. Be kind to yourself, mama. Because not everyone will be kind to you. Be gentle with yourself, because your babies don't care that you're behind on a couple of bills or that you lost your temper the other day. They don't care that you're struggling with a crappy job or that you haven't found the time to go back to school. Your babies love you because you're their mama. So be kind to yourselves and the moms around you. We're all doing our best.

Photo of my mama and I in 1994. I know I didn't discuss my own mom in this post but it's relevant because she was also a young mom who kicks ass and does things her way. I hope she is kind to herself because she's doing a great job.

Weekend Wrap Up + Gender Reveal

William and I spent the weekend in Georgia with my extended maternal family. It was so great to see my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. I also got to see my great grandmother for the first time in 7 years which was really emotional, especially when I told her I'm having her first great-great grandchild! It was an incredibly bitter-sweet weekend. I only wish I could spend more time with my beautiful family. 

But that's enough sap for one post. Time to reveal baby's gender! Yesterday I announced on Facebook that the baby is...*drumroll*...

                         A BOY!!! 

William and I bought a few cans of blue silly string for my younger siblings to spray at eachother (only 3 of them were there but we couldn't wait). They all seemed excited! I know my youngest sisters had their hearts set on a niece but I know they'll adore a nephew just as much! 

So there ya go! We're having a baby boy and we are so excited to start planning for our new addition!