26.5 Week Update

It's been a while since I've posted and I can blame that on lack of material, not inspiration. Truth is, I'm constantly feeling inspired to write, but a lot of the topics I'm dying to cover must wait until I actually have this little boy. I have a feeling I'll have more than enough writing material after giving birth but no time to share it. The struggle.

These days I'm doing a whole lot of nothing. Well, scratch that, I'm growing a person and that's pretty impressive. But aside from that small task, I find my days are dragging on so slowly. My back and hips are almost always killing me. I mean really. My first trimester was a breeze. Second was a piece of cake. But as I enter my third trimester, I'm starting to realize my body was just gearing up for the worst of it. The weight of this pregnancy is taking a toll on my body. I'm trying to find a nice little yoga and meditation routine that works well for me. Stretching truly does wonders. But sleep often evades me and I spend most of my nights tossing and turning, desperate to find a position suitable for sleep. 

It's not all bad though. In fact it's mostly beautiful. I marvel daily at the transformation my body is going through.  I feel a lot of love and pride when I look at my pregnant body. I feel superhuman some days. And feeling Liam stretch, kick, and roll is my absolute favorite feeling in the world. Today my two youngest sisters sang my belly some silly song they made up. It's so sweet to see their little hands rub and pat my belly and talk to Liam so sweetly. I love to hear the questions their little 10 year old brains come up with. They're going to be the sweetest aunts.

My best friend threw me a shower with some friends from high school last weekend. It was beautiful. I got so many great gifts but the best part was being around these amazing women who I love so much. I am truly blessed.

Love them!

Dear person talking about my weight...

What is it about being pregnant that makes so many people suddenly think they're your doctor/midwife? Why is it that my body has suddenly become public property? Something for people to poke, prod, and make comments about. I know it might sound like I'm being sensitive but honestly this is a sensitive subject. I have never felt so vulnerable as I do now that I'm pregnant. I suppose that's because people in my life find it appropriate to talk candidly about my size, health, habits, and personal decisions. It was recently brought to my attention that someone in my family made several comments about my weight. Stating that I'm "much bigger than other women who are 4 months pregnant" (disclaimer: I'm actually nearly 6 months pregnant.) This post is directed toward that person and anyone like them who thinks it's ok to say things like that.

If you're going to make judgments about my size, could you at least confirm how far along I am? 4 months pregnant and 6 months pregnant are very different. For instance, at 16 weeks a fetus weighs about 3-5 ounces. At 24 weeks a fetus weighs roughly 1.5 pounds. Pretty big difference, huh? At 16 weeks I couldn't even feel my baby move, I didn't know he was a boy, and I hadn't yet gained even 5 pounds since discovering I was pregnant. But you wouldn't know that unless I told you because my pregnancy experience is unique to me, just as yours and everyone else's is and will be unique to them. 

This relative went on to tell my source that in a "healthy" pregnancy, the mother will only gain a maximum of 20 pounds and that I had "clearly exceeded that already". Wow! Not even in my 3rd trimester and I've already exceeded 20 pounds? How dare I defy the standards of a "normal", "healthy" pregnancy. Excuse me while I wipe away the tears streaming down my face, brought on by hysterical laughter. FIRST, I'd like to say that I have not gained anywhere NEAR 20 pounds, not that it's any of your damn business. Secondly, 20 pounds? Did you find that on Google? Or did you go out of your way to ask an actual healthcare professional what a healthy weight gain is for a pregnant woman because you were THAT concerned about how big I am? Let me tell you that this generic suggestion is not a "one-size-fits-all" measurement. Some women won't gain anywhere near that much weight and some will far exceed it. The thing is, it isn't for YOU to decide how much weight is healthy for me to gain. That's between my midwife and myself. And guess what? My midwife happens to think I'm the picture of health. Does that surprise you? Good. I live for shock value. Third, I want to tell you, just because, that not only am I growing a baby inside of my body, but I've also grown an entirely new organ! Can you say that you've grown a brand new organ? This particular relative can't say that. I just had to let you know because I'm pretty damn proud of myself and all mothers for the amazing things our bodies do. We make babies AND new organs! (In case you weren't aware, I'm talking about the amazing placenta.) And hey, that adds up so some extra weight. Not to mention my uterus is stretching and growing by the day to accommodate my new precious cargo. So why don't you go ahead and talk about THAT rather than waste everyone's time talking about something as petty and irrelevant as my weight. Because hey, it's none of your DAMN BUSINESS.

I really debated even writing this blog post. I thought maybe it'd be best to turn the other cheek. But the more I thought about it, the more necessary it became. Not only to get all of this anger and frustration off my chest, but also to publicly inform people that it is not ok to talk about a pregnant woman's body as if it's an exhibit at a museum. It's not ok to make a woman feel like she's "too big" or "too small". It doesn't make us feel good to be told "wow, you're huge!" Or "I can barely tell that you're pregnant." That last one is really important to remember because while you might think it's a compliment to tell a woman that you can't tell she's pregnant because she's so little, it honestly might make her feel like crap. Maybe she really wants to be showing more but isn't because of her specific body type. Rule of thumb is, just don't say anything about the way we look unless it's about how beautiful and radiant we are. And I shouldn't really need to say this to any adults but, if you wouldn't say something to someone's face, don't say it behind their back. It'll probably get back to the person and it's probably going to hurt them a lot more than you intended. Thank you for hearing me out. 

Sincerely, a frustrated pregnant lady.

P.S. I freaking love my bump and my entire body. I respect your right to a different opinion but, please, keep it to yourself.

Birth Bullies

I've been pondering this topic quite a bit lately, but today I read an article titled "What Not To Say To Someone Who Wants A Natural Birth" and it really made me realize "ok, this is actually an issue." So that brings me to the topic of today's blog post: Birth Bullies.

What is a birth Bully, you ask? I took the liberty of defining this one myself. A birth bully is a person, male or female, who belittles, makes fun of, or undermines a woman's decision to have the birth she chooses. Sound familiar? It might if you've ever been verbal about your birth plan as an expectant mother. As a 20 year old first time expectant mother who wants to have a natural, unmedicated birth, I have come into contact with many a birth bully. I remember the first one I came across didn't actually say anything. She laughed at me. That's right, LAUGHED! Right in my horrified face. It wasn't just a giggle either. It was a full on maniacal, evil villain,  spirit shattering cackle. She was genuinely amused by my hopeful spirit. I was dumbfounded. Especially since this particular bully had only given birth one time via c-section (no judgment for the record). I didn't even know how to respond. I sort of just stared at her incredulously, wondering what I had said that was so knee-slapping hilarious. 

Since then I've encountered plenty more birth bullies, so many that I've thickened my skin and find it easy to shrug off their rude comments and move on with my life. But that doesn't mean it doesn't tick me off when I hear those condescending words spoken to me or any other expecting mother. The thing is, just because a natural birth wasn't for you, doesn't mean you need to discourage another woman from having the birth she chooses. 

It seems like some people are under the impression that choosing a natural, unmedicated delivery means I have something to prove. Like I'm saying "look at how much better I am than everyone else because I gave birth without drugs." Honestly, I want to have a natural birth for me. I want to feel in control of my labor and delivery and the worst way to do that is lying on my back unable to feel anything below my waist. I want to have a natural birth to empower myself and to feel all that my body is capable of. Of course things don't always go as planned and I'm open to interventions if absolutely necessary but I will go into that delivery room with every intention of delivering naturally. 

So I guess what I'm saying is; to all you birth bullies who seek to shame women for the birth they choose,, I just have one question. Why do you care? Does it really bother you that much that someone is choosing a different birth than you? If so, figure out why. Because it just isn't your place to belittle a mother for the choice she makes. 

All birth is beautiful. Own it.

Be kind to yourselves, mamas.

I've recently been feeling very empathetic, much more than usual. Blame it on the hormones! It can be annoying when I feel tears coming on at the slightest provocation but at the same time I'm loving this new sense of love I have for others, especially women. 

I now fit into this category of "young moms" and I suddenly feel the heavy weight that comes with that title. The sense that I must always "explain" myself to my elders. To reassure them that I will "do something" with my life. That's not anyone's fault but my own. No one is making me feel the need to validate my actions but myself. But I must admit there's an unspoken societal pressure on young mothers to be great. I find myself hearing people tell me to "prove them wrong" and graduate from college, become a driven career woman. Let me reassure you in saying that if that's what I want, that's what I'll do. Nothing can stop me. But how do you know that's what I want? How do you know that's what any of us 20-something mamas want? It's a little presumptuous to assume every young mom had to give up her hopes and dreams. Is that true of some? Absolutely. That can be true of a mother at any age. Will I have the freedom that a 20 year old with zero commitments has? No. Will I get to party every weekend? Nope. Will I get to blow my money on shopping sprees just for me? Definitely not. Will I miss that stuff? Yes, especially the freedom. Am I upset about it? Not even a little. Because this is where I'm supposed to be right now. And I was never much of a partier anyway. 

I know there are people who look at me and other young moms and think "what a waste of youth." But that doesn't bother me a bit because I know that's their own insecurity shining through. And I know there are people who genuinely just want me to be able to enjoy my twenties without a little one to tie me down. To those people: thank you for your loving concern, but don't worry. Because I truly am so happy with where I am. 

This tangent has a point, I swear. It all comes back down to empathy. I feel so empathetic toward the young moms like me who have faced these judgements and have taken them harder than I have. I write this for you and every other mother out there who has been hard on herself for the mistakes she feels she's made and the things she did and didn't do. Be kind to yourself, mama. Because not everyone will be kind to you. Be gentle with yourself, because your babies don't care that you're behind on a couple of bills or that you lost your temper the other day. They don't care that you're struggling with a crappy job or that you haven't found the time to go back to school. Your babies love you because you're their mama. So be kind to yourselves and the moms around you. We're all doing our best.

Photo of my mama and I in 1994. I know I didn't discuss my own mom in this post but it's relevant because she was also a young mom who kicks ass and does things her way. I hope she is kind to herself because she's doing a great job.

Weekend Wrap Up + Gender Reveal

William and I spent the weekend in Georgia with my extended maternal family. It was so great to see my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. I also got to see my great grandmother for the first time in 7 years which was really emotional, especially when I told her I'm having her first great-great grandchild! It was an incredibly bitter-sweet weekend. I only wish I could spend more time with my beautiful family. 

But that's enough sap for one post. Time to reveal baby's gender! Yesterday I announced on Facebook that the baby is...*drumroll*...

                         A BOY!!! 

William and I bought a few cans of blue silly string for my younger siblings to spray at eachother (only 3 of them were there but we couldn't wait). They all seemed excited! I know my youngest sisters had their hearts set on a niece but I know they'll adore a nephew just as much! 

So there ya go! We're having a baby boy and we are so excited to start planning for our new addition!

Pregnancy Discomforts & Gender Prediction!?

HI'm giving this blogger app a try on my phone so bear with me and expect many typos. I'm terribly tired today and I blame my returning sinus congestion mixed with persistent insomnia. In my last post I mentioned that my first trimester has been pretty smooth and it has, but that's not to say pregnancy hasn't come with it's discomforts. 

For instance, sleeping has become a nightly struggle. I remember a time long ago when a queen bed seemed almost TOO big for William and I. I found myself snuggling up next to him every night in an attempt to close all that distance between us. Now, I'm thinking a California King would be more appropriate. I'm constantly asking him to move over, confining him to a small sliver of mattress on the edge of the bed. On top of that, I find myself in a total fog until around noon everyday, which is tough when you're babysitting an 8 month old...which I am. I totally feel for preggo mamas who have babies/toddlers to care for. It ain't easy. 

I could probably go on for several paragraphs just ranting about how uncomfortable I always seem to be, but I'll leave it at this: Growing a human is often exhausting. But it's also pretty cool.

Just for fun I thought I'd take an "Old Wives Tale" quiz to try to predict my baby's gender. I love doing stuff like this. I'll be using the picture below (found on Pinterest) and answering either "boy" or "girl" for each old wives tale. Here we go!

1. Girl

2. Boy

3. Boy

4. Girl

5. Girl

6. Girl AND Boy

7. Boy 

Girl: 4 points

Boy: 3 points 

I love hearing what people think I'm having! I definitely have my own guess but I won't reveal the gender until my "early" shower in November. 

Hope everyone has a fabulous Wednesday!

Goodbye 1st Tri!

Almost... Today I am 12 weeks 1 day pregnant and as these last couple of weeks of the 1st trimester come to an end, I'm feeling exceedingly grateful for how smooth this pregnancy has been so far. For the most part anyway. I think the worst of it so far has been my constant battle with stubborn and debilitating allergies. They've kept me mostly indoors and miserable since the 4 week mark. I find sleep far more appealing than food and the nausea is rarely worth getting out of bed for. All that said, I still have yet to have any morning sickness and I'm feeling more "myself" these last few days. I know that some mom's have miserable 1st trimesters and keeping that in mind has helped me to feel better about my situation. I wish I felt more productive and active but I'm happy to endure these small drawbacks.

I'm not feeling very articulate these days which has kept me from writing for a while. I don't like to put my thoughts in a public forum (or private for that matter) if I don't feel like I can express them in a clear and concise way. I loved journaling and writing any chance I got in high school, but since then I've felt less creative and I think I need to start finding an artistic outlet again so that I can get my juices flowing. I'm ranting off topic now and my very active kitten is attacking my fingers as I type so I'm going to wrap this up. My point in all this is to say that even though I don't feel as if I have much to write about, I'm trying to do it anyway. I'd like to look back and see that I journaled at least weekly throughout my pregnancy. I like to know how I was feeling at different intervals in my life. And maybe someone else likes reading this too. I know my sister and I are OBSESSED with reading blogs of total strangers and I can at least count on her to read my posts ;) Ok sorry, preggo brain is getting me way off topic. What was this post about again? 

Back to binge watching Grey's Anatomy. 

10 weeks - First Ultrasound Picture!

      Here is Baby Thorman's first picture! It was so exciting to see the baby dancing around, moving it's arms and legs all around. By the way, I hate using the word "it" to refer to my baby but I don't feel right choosing a gender pronoun yet because I feel like it will just confuse everyone if I jump around from "him" to "her". So, know that I use "it" in the most endearing and loving way possible. Seeing the baby on screen was indescribably better than just holding a blurry little picture. He or she was very active and I imagined the baby was doing a happy dance because I had just had lunch ;) It is such an INCREDIBLE feeling to see your very own baby moving and I can't wait until I can actually feel it! I can't wait to meet my little bun.

P.S. Is it just me or is this baby like…abnormally cute for a 10 week fetus…?

Introduction

Hello to anyone reading this! I am starting this blog to keep a record of my journey at this incredibly momentous point in my life. I will keep it private until I am ready for everyone I know (and half of who they know) to find out that I'm pregnant. Surprise! I hope that others will allow themselves to be open to accepting this monumental change as a positive one in both mine and William's lives. This will serve as a place of love and happiness for my family and friends to join me on my path to and through motherhood. I will not allow this to become a space of judgment or negativity, so if you have any of that in your heart, please leave and return when you can truly grow and benefit from being a part of this.

Thank you for joining us on this journey.