If you're going to make judgments about my size, could you at least confirm how far along I am? 4 months pregnant and 6 months pregnant are very different. For instance, at 16 weeks a fetus weighs about 3-5 ounces. At 24 weeks a fetus weighs roughly 1.5 pounds. Pretty big difference, huh? At 16 weeks I couldn't even feel my baby move, I didn't know he was a boy, and I hadn't yet gained even 5 pounds since discovering I was pregnant. But you wouldn't know that unless I told you because my pregnancy experience is unique to me, just as yours and everyone else's is and will be unique to them.
P.S. I freaking love my bump and my entire body. I respect your right to a different opinion but, please, keep it to yourself.
This relative went on to tell my source that in a "healthy" pregnancy, the mother will only gain a maximum of 20 pounds and that I had "clearly exceeded that already". Wow! Not even in my 3rd trimester and I've already exceeded 20 pounds? How dare I defy the standards of a "normal", "healthy" pregnancy. Excuse me while I wipe away the tears streaming down my face, brought on by hysterical laughter. FIRST, I'd like to say that I have not gained anywhere NEAR 20 pounds, not that it's any of your damn business. Secondly, 20 pounds? Did you find that on Google? Or did you go out of your way to ask an actual healthcare professional what a healthy weight gain is for a pregnant woman because you were THAT concerned about how big I am? Let me tell you that this generic suggestion is not a "one-size-fits-all" measurement. Some women won't gain anywhere near that much weight and some will far exceed it. The thing is, it isn't for YOU to decide how much weight is healthy for me to gain. That's between my midwife and myself. And guess what? My midwife happens to think I'm the picture of health. Does that surprise you? Good. I live for shock value. Third, I want to tell you, just because, that not only am I growing a baby inside of my body, but I've also grown an entirely new organ! Can you say that you've grown a brand new organ? This particular relative can't say that. I just had to let you know because I'm pretty damn proud of myself and all mothers for the amazing things our bodies do. We make babies AND new organs! (In case you weren't aware, I'm talking about the amazing placenta.) And hey, that adds up so some extra weight. Not to mention my uterus is stretching and growing by the day to accommodate my new precious cargo. So why don't you go ahead and talk about THAT rather than waste everyone's time talking about something as petty and irrelevant as my weight. Because hey, it's none of your DAMN BUSINESS.
I really debated even writing this blog post. I thought maybe it'd be best to turn the other cheek. But the more I thought about it, the more necessary it became. Not only to get all of this anger and frustration off my chest, but also to publicly inform people that it is not ok to talk about a pregnant woman's body as if it's an exhibit at a museum. It's not ok to make a woman feel like she's "too big" or "too small". It doesn't make us feel good to be told "wow, you're huge!" Or "I can barely tell that you're pregnant." That last one is really important to remember because while you might think it's a compliment to tell a woman that you can't tell she's pregnant because she's so little, it honestly might make her feel like crap. Maybe she really wants to be showing more but isn't because of her specific body type. Rule of thumb is, just don't say anything about the way we look unless it's about how beautiful and radiant we are. And I shouldn't really need to say this to any adults but, if you wouldn't say something to someone's face, don't say it behind their back. It'll probably get back to the person and it's probably going to hurt them a lot more than you intended. Thank you for hearing me out.
Sincerely, a frustrated pregnant lady.
